She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
