How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I deserve this hangover.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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