Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize