He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
