i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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