How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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