thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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