hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
