I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
