Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry about my life...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
