I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize