Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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