That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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