last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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