Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
