In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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