4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
