but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
