then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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