It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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