just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize