Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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