I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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