I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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