I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
