he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize