I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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