addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
