if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
