My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
