I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
