i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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