i just had sex bonerless
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
