We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
