u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
