There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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