he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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