Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
