meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
