8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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