I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
