how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
