I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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