I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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