I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
