I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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