roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
