for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
tell me about the fingering
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
