It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
