He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize