just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
