I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
