Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize