He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
