Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
