2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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