White coat. Heels.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize