They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
