5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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