He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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