I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
