ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
