He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
